God is not calling us to become a version of ourselves. Although we are made in his image, he seeks to recreate us in the likeness of Christ. The goal of the spiritual life is move beyond the self and into Christ, as Paul teaches: “It is now no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me” (Gal 2:20). In an age of individualism, it might be tempting to adapt the Christian message to the centrality of the individual. This would be to subvert the true message of the Christian life: transformation in Christ.
It is staggering how ubiquitous the phrase to be “the-best-version-of-yourself” has become in Catholic circles. My students regularly express it, and I hear it from the mouths of priests and even bishops. Matthew Kelly has popularized the phrase by making it his mantra, as he uses it ad nauseam, even in catechetical material for children. His books have become omnipresent in Catholic parishes due to their next to nothing per copy wholesale price (see the National Catholic Reporter for why that is the case). Dynamic Catholic has found a way to enter into the void of parish life and offer engaging content that many people find engaging, largely, I have come to realize, because of its focus on self, which resonates with modern Catholics.
Kelly’s writings, however, do not generally appeal to the theologically educated, who find them not only shallow, but even fraught with New Age language. The worst suspicions have been confirmed by two articles from Tessa Parisek: Something’s Really Off Here: Is Matthew Kelly’s Rediscover Catholicism a Rediscovery—or Is It Warmed-Over New Age Selfie Talk? (The Traditionalist, Winter and Spring 2019). She shows how Kelly draws on New Age concepts–principally the Seven Laws of the Universe–giving specific examples of how he relies upon these concepts and even matches (or occasionally quotes) their language. This includes Kelly’s literally trademarked expression, the best-version-of-yourself, which draws upon the New Age law of polarity and the process of becoming by following one’s north star. Due to Parisek’s work, there is no doubt that the concept of becoming the best-version-of-yourself flows from New Age spirituality (here is additional proof).
Parisek shows how Rediscover Catholicism follows upon Kelly’s own earlier and more explicitly New Age book, The Rhythm of Life, which laid the foundation for that whole “version of self” thing, which he then described as “‘the journey of the soul’ . . . As you make your journey from point A to point B, you begin to allow the Divine Spirit to emerge from within” (95-96). This focuses on unleashing the power of the divine from within you, rather than finding God outside of yourself and conforming to him. Rather, Kelly thinks you can become what you think (Rediscover Catholicism, 180) in order to “evolve” into the person that you imagine you can become (ibid., 157).
The idea of having a version of yourself itself is problematic. Your self does not have different versions, which today, in light of transgenderism, takes on another level of problematic disassociation. You have only your one and integral self, which Jesus wants to transform through a mystical incorporation into his body, enabling this self to become truly alive in him. Some may wonder, “perhaps Matthew Kelly means that by the term, simply using it to describe traditional spirituality.” The terminology and its explanation, however, does not point to that. Rather, it presents a predominant focus on the self that does not point to growth or transformation by divine grace. Changing from one version to another finds no foundation in Catholic thought, only in the idea of polarity stemming from the New Age.
My own hesitations were only confirmed when I read Kelly’s Rediscover Jesus, a Lenten reflection released in 2015 and given to me by a bishop. Reading it, I did not find much about the person of Jesus or the Gospel message, though there was extensive language, largely self-referential, surrounding them. Take the example of ch. 27 on penance, which it describes simply as delayed gratification. Even worse, ch. 26, “The Prayer Process,” focuses on looking into yourself and your desires, rather than meeting a person outside of oneself–the true God. It is not focused on the person of Jesus or making particular acts by which to relate to God. Here are Kelly’s steps:
1. Gratitude: Begin by thanking God in a personal dialogue for whatever you are most grateful for today.
Matthew Kelly, Rediscover Jesus, ch. 26.
2. Awareness: Revisit the times of the past twenty-four hours when you were and were not the-best-version-of-yourself. Talk to God about these situations and what you learned from them.
3. Significant Moments: Identify something you experienced today and explore what God might be trying to say to you through that event (or person).
4. Peace: Ask God to forgive you for any wrong you have committed (against yourself,
another person, or Him) and to fill you with a deep and abiding peace.
5. Freedom: Speak with God about how he is inviting you to change your life, so that you can experience the freedom to be the best-version-of-yourself.
6. Others: Lift up to God anyone you feel called to pray for today, asking God to bless and
guide them.
7. Finish by praying the Our Father.
Just as the self is not a version, so prayer is not a process. It is an encounter and relationship. In his earlier writing, Kelly had already articulated a self-focused idea of prayer: “Make no mistake, prayer unleashes the unfathomable potential of the human spirit—the power to visualize and engage unrealized potential” (The Rhythm of Life, 200). Praying the Our Father is the best part of this “process.” You might think none of this is bad, but I would argue that this Kelly does not present the essence of prayer. Does prayer involve gratitude and petition? Yes. But what about awareness, significant moments, peace (maybe as an effect?), freedom, and others. Sure, these might be hovering around prayer, but do they constitute its essence. In fact, they are self-referential, which is the whole problem with the “best-version-of-yourself.” Prayer is not about aligning with a fictitious version of self (and Kelly describes sin as a disparity to this self). This is not theocentric but anthropocentric.
Compare Kelly’s process to the description of prayer by Fr. Paul de Jaegher in his spiritual work One with Jesus, or The Life of Identification with Jesus Christ (The Newman Press, 1953):
She [the soul] knows well that she does not pray alone, but that her Well-Beloved prays with her. Therefore it is in this disposition that she goes to prayer. With what joy does she now say “Our Father, who are in Heaven”! God is truly for her “our” Father, the Father of Jesus and her own Father. Assisted by Jesus who lives in her, she instinctively and gradually reproduces the prayer of Jesus on the mountain. She forgets herself, she forgets own narrow interests and the pettiness which she showed in the past, and her prayer becomes expansive beyond measure. When she adores, her adoration is no longer the adoration offered by her own poor little self; it is the immense worship Jesus offers within her, in his own name, and in the name of his whole mystical body. In Jesus and with Jesus she incessantly gives thanks, not so much for the benefits she has personally received God, but for those which God has lavished on Jesus and on all his mystical members. Above all, she loves God passionately for Jesus, and, in the Name of Jesus. . . . The soul that lives in Jesus’ name is no longer weighted down by thoughts of self, making self the centre of her prayer. . . She loves to lose herself, to forget herself, turning towards God in loving contemplation.
pages 16-17.
Now I know there is a huge difference between Kelly’s book written for the average person in the pews and de Jaegher’s book, which describes more advanced prayer. Nonetheless, Kelly’s book has the title Rediscover Jesus and Jesus does not enter into his description of prayer. We know a beginner will not lose all of their own narrow self-interests, and yet wouldn’t an introduction to prayer focus on loving God and focusing on him rather than on one’s own self? De Jaegher helps even the beginner to see that Christian prayer takes place within, in and through Jesus so that his love for the Father becomes our own.
Looking further at De Jaegher’s book, however, provides the best explanation for exactly why we should not focus on being the best version of ourselves.
The soul that wishes to identify herself with Christ does not invite Jesus to come down to her level by adapting himself to her views and aspirations; she does not ask him to unite himself to her and to act within her, only for the purpose of helping her to live her own life more purely and more holily; she does not content herself with praying, suffering and loving, as she has hitherto done, though with more intensity and purity of intention. Such spirituality would appear already very beautiful, but it is not sufficient, and in the difference we are able to realize the wonderful transforming influence of the ideal which we wish to recommend. In this second method of union, the soul thinks differently, loves differently, prays in a different manner. For what she asks of Christ is to live his own life in her, and for his own sake, not for hers. She wants Jesus to continue his own life within her, not to begin in her a new life which, though holy perhaps, would be circumscribed by the narrow limits of a puny creature. The soul now stripped of self makes room for Christ. She will feel the heart of Christ beat within her breast; Christ will henceforth live his own life in her. She has made her own all the interests, views, loves and desires of Christ; interests, love and desires as far-reaching as the universe, and perfect free from all self-love. To sum up, the spirituality in question does not only help the soul to become better, to purify herself, to find herself; it helps her to forsake herself once for all, to renounce her own point of view for that of Jesus. She aims at substituting Jesus for self.
Pages 14-15.
The life of holiness for the Christian is not an inner power of transformation that comes from within oneself. It is becoming Christ, integrating into his life by being reborn in him and one with him as members of his body. He gives us his own divine life, if only we forsake our own. We do not enter eternity as the best-version-of-yourself, but as fellow heirs with Christ.
36 Comments
Joan Stader · January 4, 2023 at 11:58 am
Dr. Staudt,
Thank you for this article. I always felt a little uncomfortable about Mr. Kelly’s work (like I was in the presence of a snake oil salesman), but I couldn’t put my finger on the problem. Of course, I’m not a theologian, but I have a really good “BS sensor”. I’m glad I subscribed to your work. Now if the topic comes up, I can better articulate the problem to others.
God bless you!
Jared Staudt · January 7, 2023 at 9:19 am
A reader asked me if I could supply some alternative phrases. Here are some initial ideas:
To become more fully alive
To realize your potential
To grow in who we are
To develop your character
To become who you are are meant to be
To find your purpose
To be formed in what is good and true
catholic · January 11, 2023 at 9:56 pm
if you actually read about Kelly’s history, he used to claim visions of Jesus and Mary. That alone should give you some pause.
Mike · January 22, 2023 at 6:58 am
Jared, I am very disappointed in you. Once again we have rick solid Catholic finding fault with rick sud Catholics. You are not building up the bride of Christ with your comments. If you are truly interested in building or rebuilding a Catholic Culture you do not attack other workers in the same vineyard. You should be doing ss Mathew Kelly does… personally bring other workers into the vineyard. Remember the harvest is plenty, but the laborers are few. Seems to me you should adjust your perspectives and refocus yourselves on focus on what taking care of and trying to build up the Bride of Christ and all her faithful servants.
Dr. Lauren Bergier · January 11, 2023 at 7:56 pm
Thanks for this article. I’m always relieved at Easter or Christmas when the local parish doesn’t give out the latest iteration of Kelly’s watered-down beyond recognition version of the Gospel. And his catechetical materials are even worse! Anything by Magnificat, the Augustine Institute, Word on Fire, etc. is about ten times better! The best version of myself? No! My life isn’t even about me (thank God)! It’s about Him! What a relief it is not to be the center of the universe!
John Martino · January 11, 2023 at 8:47 pm
Hi Jared,
If transformation in Christ doesn’t fulfill our true desires and needs, why would anyone today care about pursuing it?
I understand that you’re annoyed with hearing the New Agey terminology from Catholic students who should have access to better material, but I still fail to see the need to tear down Kelly’s work to build up the Church. The contrast of the Kelly books cited and the other spiritual book is clearly a contrast between spiritual milk and spiritual meat. Most of the people who pick up Kelly’s book and are intrigued would drop the book you recommend in disgust as soon as they read the passages you cite. Because they don’t see what living for Christ has to do with them. It sounds like icky self-masochism.
It’s been a while since I’ve spent time with a Kelly book-because they are pretty shallow-but where does he point people? When I was paying attention to him; Confession. Attending Mass. The Bible. The Catechism. St. John Paul II. Talking to God and listening.
God, if I could get most of my childhood friends and relatives to do all those things, I would be ecstatic. Overjoyed. And if they did those things, they would be primed for the full truth of spiritual transformation.
If you have evidence that Kelly is leading people away from good spiritual influences, that he is recommending New Age authors instead of Gospel writers, that he discourages ecclesial obedience or points to himself as a spiritual guru above all others. Or that he is morally corrupt or spiritually abusive. I think that would be worth such a warning. But instead I don’t think you have, as the other commenter concludes, any kind of takedown here. Just a helpful critique but tainted by an uncharitable hermeneutic.
I hope that’s a charitable response!
Lauren Bergier · January 12, 2023 at 8:49 am
I like this response, too. Kelly is only spiritually dangerous if you stay with him too long; then there’s a real risk of reducing the faith to me, me, and more me. It’s milk, not meat, and it will put you in failure to thrive past babyhood. I guess what really shocks me is that there are priests and bishops who read Kelly as their own spiritual reading! I would also caution anyone from using the Dynamic Catholic catechetical materials. Kids are more spiritually open than adults, and they deserve better.
Jared Staudt · January 13, 2023 at 5:36 pm
Christ certainly fulfills our deepest desires but we must first die to ourselves and our attachment to material things. We need conversion. I’m not sure how the critique is uncharitable but I will certainly reflect on that as I do not want to fall into being uncharitable to anyone. Pointing out that Kelly deliberately draws from New Age writing is not uncharitable if it is factual. I think that has been demonstrated clearly.
Ken Holtzman · January 12, 2023 at 5:28 am
Read your article first thing in the morning and it surely woke me up. I believe you are correct in your observations. Thank you very much.
Mary Schneider · January 12, 2023 at 5:36 am
Matthew Kelly came to our parish about ten years ago and the parish has given away a couple of his books. He is a charismatic speaker, which explains his popularity, but I don’t really trust laymen who make their living as “professional” Catholics who preach to the rest of us. It seems rather Protestant.
Andrew · January 12, 2023 at 10:32 am
This seems a little petty. Yes, Matthew Kelly’s books are on the lighter side of Catholic thought and theology, but so is his audience. Your criticisms are valid, but so nuanced that the average Catholic in the pews (or out of them) won’t know what you are talking about. We are dealing with three and four generations of un-catechized Catholics who don’t know even the basics of Church doctrine or why we believe what we do, so hitting them over the head with these kinds of arguments is counter productive. People like Matthew Kelly because he is real, convincing, charismatic and seems to have a life that was transformed by Jesus. These are the things that evangelize, not heady writings and theological posturing. It was like the first time I stepped into a Latin Mass and encountered glaring Traddy’s who disapproved of my wife’s lack of head covering…not exactly an environment that made me want to participate more in, even though eventually I came to understand and appreciate this liturgy through a priest who was friendly and outgoing. The church is full of pearl clutching. Don’t be the guy in the back pew taking jabs at the volunteer who put himself out there.
Rick Rowley · January 14, 2023 at 10:26 am
Totally agree with this comment. You have to meet people where they are in order to evangelize them. Completely without knowledge of the teachings of the Catholic faith is where most Catholics are today. Certainly, Matthew Kelly generally does not write or speak about the finer points and nuances of the Catholic faith. However, speaking for myself as a fallen away Catholic, I found the book Rediscovering Catholicism to be a compelling book about the truth and beauty of our faith. It was one of the early books that I read that lead me back into the Church. I have certainly moved on to deeper writings while studying the faith over the years, but the writings you refer to are not going to immediately resonate with your average un-chatechized Catholic or most people for that matter. Additionally, Matthew Kelly himself encourages the reading of the great spiritual writings and books other than his own writings, and I don’t believe he contends that his prayer process is the only or even necessarily the best way to pray. I may be wrong, but I don’t see him as a snake oil salesman at all.
Gail · August 18, 2024 at 5:59 pm
Good example, regarding the lack of head covering. Been in that situation, as well. I have no problem with best-version-of-self not because I am a New Age narcissist but because I know he simply means that we should aim to develop our personal virtue, using our God-given free will, by making the next best decision every moment of our lives. That is pure and simple what it is – developing virtue through good habits. He does not leave Christ out of it. People want to read into what he does with his businesses, etc., but you have to really dig deep to find fault there. So what if he is a layman evangelist who happens to be a dynamic inspirational speaker at the same time. That does not make him weird or creepy or out of communion with the Church. You cannot ignore human psychology and make perfect progress in spirituality. Psychological hang ups could quite easily become an obstacle to spiritual growth. This is where his self-help is amazing. There is so much deep theology out there, but at the end of the day, it comes down to sacraments and a relationship with Jesus. Most people live very busy, distracted lives. He makes concepts fun and easily digestible. There are way too many opportunities to finger point within the Church, and the spirit of strife is not from God.
Lee Harvey · January 12, 2023 at 12:51 pm
I’ve been struggling to understand the concept of living in the Divine Will. But I haven’t struggled understanding your well articulated explanation of praying for Christ to live His Life in me rather than make me a better me. Is your explanation the same thing as living in the Divine Will according to Luisa Picaretta?
Gregory Nieport · January 12, 2023 at 4:42 pm
Ten years ago, God’s grace, and Rediscover Catholicism, brought me back into the sheepfold, from a trajectory headed toward a None.
On a good day, I desire with all my heart to be totally conformed to Christ Jesus.
Praise and thanksgiving to almighty God for imperfect people and imperfect outreach efforts.
Richard Ryan · January 12, 2023 at 10:33 pm
With all the problems in the Church today, and with way too many people (particularly in the hierarchy) who are actively destroying people’s faith, you decided that Matthew Kelly needs to be singled out for condemnation? You should be ashamed of yourself.
Jared Staudt · January 13, 2023 at 6:15 am
As a theologian, it is part of my vocation to point people to the truth of God’s revelation. Framing the faith as focused on self rather than Christ is a very large error and one that is popular because it resonates with our culture. I am certainly not ashamed because in all of my pastoral work and teaching, this topic comes up often.
jstaderprodigynet · January 13, 2023 at 6:48 am
Yep, always aim for perfection. Like Mother Angelica used to say, “Don’t aim for Purgatory–you might miss!”
Rick · January 14, 2023 at 11:16 am
I get what you are saying but most people, particularly those who are still being introduced to the faith, will find a writing that contends that they shouldn’t focus on themselves in order to be a good Christian as foreign at best and probably totally contradictory. People who are still searching for God are restless and without joy. What I believe they will hear you are actually saying is that I should only focus on myself when it comes to my shortcomings (my sins). However, I should not focus on myself so that I can become the best person that God created me to be. To your average person who is trying to find joy and meaning in their life, I don’t think that makes any sense, at least initially. That is where an author like Matthew Kelly is of help. Again, I don’t think Matthew Kelly pretends to be a high level theologian, but he encourages the study of the great spiritual writers. Again, I think you have to meet people where they are.
Susan2 · January 13, 2023 at 10:42 am
I ask Jesus to give me the graces and help me be the person He wants me to be.
Biagio Mazzella · January 13, 2023 at 4:41 pm
Staudt might be guilty of doing the same thing he accuses Kelly of. He is a far cry from the simplicity of the Apostles, many of whom were illiterate. His theology is esoteric. Both he and Kelly make lots of money writing spiritual books and speaking about them. Kelly, so far, is way ahead of him…money wise. I am not sure whether I hear being crucified with Christ from either of them. But I will listen. Of course, we live in an age of instant creations of whatever kind. Much of it quite useful. There is an old saying that “If you meet your Guru on the road, shoot him.”
Now that the bishops have lost their glow, it seems spiritual writers are filling in the vacuum, as it were. In the meantime, I will stay with Paul the Apostle who asks us to pray constantly, know nothing. but Jesus Crucified and know that I am worth more than many sparrows while I pray and rejoice that my name is written in heaven.
Jared Staudt · January 13, 2023 at 5:08 pm
Good to know I make lots of money! That’s news to me.
Biagio · January 14, 2023 at 8:33 am
Not as much as Kelly yet……
Biagio · January 14, 2023 at 11:55 am
Jared, my main objection of your theology is that you draw all these complicated distinctions about the soul etc. I realize that Augustine and Thomas delved into these things in a similar matters. This does not meant we have to follow them. Both of them brought a high brow theology into the faith. Then as of now they depart from the Pauline simplicity and that of the other Apostles.
Jared Staudt · January 14, 2023 at 12:20 pm
You could look at this article as an attempt to unpack what Paul means in Galatians 2:20. We have to try our best to understand revelation faithfully. It is true that we can over-complicate things but there are important distinctions to make.
jstaderprodigynet · January 14, 2023 at 1:25 pm
Saint Paul did not preach being the best version of yourself. You are confusing simplicity with error. Big mistake.
Jared Staudt · January 14, 2023 at 1:27 pm
That is what I am saying.
Catholic · January 14, 2023 at 9:40 pm
Thank you for the clarity on the Kelly new age connection. While some folks will come and raise issue with you for addressing it, their real fight is likely one of two things. Either they have had some relationship to Matthew Kelly and feel offended for him (his book did such and such in their spiritual walk, I met him at ‘x,y,z’ and he was charismatically catholic etc), or they are fighting a pride that doesn’t want to admit a false foundation in their spiritual walk – I.e, one that is ego centric. The earlier Matthew addressed this in his Gospel, chapter 7, verses 21-27.
Rosie · January 18, 2023 at 4:44 am
I was given a copy of Kelly’s book Resisting Happiness and took the opportunity to pick it up while sick in bed yesterday. After the first several several chapters, out came my computer and Bible, and I spent hours critiquing/correcting each chapter with sacred scripture. Those who argue that Kelly’s are “gateway” books for new Catholics underestimate the power of the Holy Spirit to illuminate truth and bring us to true conversion.
Biagio · January 14, 2023 at 11:59 pm
I did not say he did:. My point is he was simple ! Not making gratuitous assumptions like most theologians. Especially Augustine!
DeAnne · July 17, 2023 at 7:35 am
Thank you. This article aptly describes why I can’t ever get through a “free” Matthew Kelly book. The last one someone gave me ended up in the trash almost immediately. The link to Matthew Kelly’s companies is eye opening as well. I’m currently in a Dynamic Catholic class in an effort to meet people in my Church. A colleague is facilitating it. Will see if I get anything out of it.
Michele · August 19, 2023 at 4:18 pm
Many thanks for this article. I am on a Welcome Formation Team using Kelly’s book and the phrase “best version of yourself” has really bothered me. It felt self-focused instead of God focused. I kept feeling that much of what is written is superficial and unenlightened and will not bring people to the full beauty of our Faith. And the book “Holy Moments” is very superficial and again self-focused.
It seems to be a book of feel-good moments. And I am very bothered that the books which have been authored by Kelly do not have the Imprimatur or Nihil Obstat certification.
Frank W. Brennan · August 31, 2023 at 7:04 pm
Jared, it’s really not that complicated. Matthew Kelly has a business mindset. Jim Collins, author of Good to Great, talks about how the best companies are those who craft an unachievable vision or goal and seek to fulfill it. The idea is that the achievement is so big that it can never be fulfilled or won’t be fulfilled until many generations. But the people who buy into the vision keep striving to meet the vision. The business becomes successful and an enjoyable place to work because everyone agrees on the goal. Due to sin we are not fully ourselves and we must journey toward the almost unachievable goal of heaven, the narrow gate. That’s all it means. The Best-Version-Of-Ourselves is us in heaven as a saint. So, reflecting on whether you made healthy choices or unhealthy choices each day is a good start toward sainthood that is in our control. God will do the rest.
Iluminada Samaniego · January 17, 2024 at 8:08 am
“Becoming the Best Version of Yourself” simply means growing, developing, and being transformed into the kind of person God has designed us to be. Matthew Kelly’s “New Age” language is for “New Age” Catholics who were not catechised — if at all — in the same way as the older generations; or who may have been taught catechism but could make little sense of its academic language. His signature phrase is an open door to those Catholics /Christians who earnestly seek the one important thing in this life: Meaning of Life which, once understood, leads to Happiness. This open door both leads and challenges one to go on the quest for answers, to avail oneself of the multitude of resources available out there: the Scriptures, other writings, both educational and spiritual, homilies, retreats, seminars, spiritual counseling, etc. He may not expound on God in a scholarly way, but his writings lead to a search for God. And God is Happiness.
When I first read Rediscover Catholicism, my reaction was: This book has all the fundamental truths of the Catholic Christian faith expressed in a way that drives straight into the heart, not just the intellect. His writing is not about “self realization” but the “Best Version of Yourself” which ultimately points to the “straight and narrow path”, to Christ’s command to “Love your neighbor as I have loved you.”
I have read Life Is Messy. Matthew Kelly goes into a detailed account of the suffering he endured without mentioning the details that brought it about. The one part that summed it all for me was his resolve not to cause that soul-racking pain to others. That is Grace. Being a cradle Catholic, I have been schooled about Grace, its definition and nature. But what Matthew Kelly wrote was Grace in action.
It is neither Matthew Kelly’s style nor mission to rejuvenate Catholicism with highly pedagogical language often used in theology, nor to mention the words “God” and “Christ” at every turn. His gift is Insight, which is reflected in his chapter on “Seven Pillars of Catholic Spirituality” in his book, Rediscover Catholicism.
“The Best Version of Yourself.” This signature phrase of Matthew Kelly (maybe the best word he could think of) should not be construed in its very literal meaning of different versions. It should be taken in the context of Transformation. It is really what Bishop Robert Barron refers to as the “Imago Dei”, the image and likeness of God as our deepest identity. It is not another version but a constant Transformation into that identity. That means a change from the “pusilla anima” (the fearful egotistical soul) into the “Magma Anima” (the great soul centered on and confident in the unconditional love of God.*
*Bishop Robert Barron in his book, And Now I See, pages 5-9.
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